In the next piece of our Modern Motherhood series, we talk with Danni Duncan, Fitness & Nutrition Coach, Business Owner & Mum of four. From reshaping expectations and navigating the highs and lows of feeding to carving out time for herself, Danni shares her refreshingly real take on motherhood.
Motherhood can be so different from what we imagine - have you had any expectations that you’ve had to challenge or reshape along the way?
With my first I absolutely had these wild expectations - you see the sparkling side on social media and think it’s going to be a breeze - I had this idea that my child would just fit in amongst our lifestyle - but that is definitely not the case.
Being okay that life does have to change, and that you may not be able to do things like you did before, and knowing it’s all a season. Once we created routines and structure everyone was happier. It meant maybe we were stuck at home at times for naps, but I am okay with that.
I also have learnt to run my own race. Everyone parents differently and each to their own. It’s easy to feel judged when someone does something differently to you or judges you for sleep training...but I will always say - if it’s working for you and you believe you’re doing the best thing for your family then fab.
What’s important to me is my relationship with my husband, my health, so being able to eat well, move and have me time, and that my baby isn’t reliant on me. I’m not a martyr to motherhood. I believe I’m a bloody good mother - but I’m definitely not one that gives up all that I am for it. I don’t believe personally that demonstrates to my kids what I want for them either.
You've openly shared your challenges with breastfeeding with your first three children, and the joy of breastfeeding with London (and having an incredible supply!). Can you talk to us a bit more about your experiences on both of the ends of this spectrum and how this has shaped the way you see motherhood today?
Sure - with Harper I think my education around breastfeeding and nutrition in general wasn’t great and my intentions were all backwards. I had put on a lot of weight with Harper so was in a rush to get “back” to where I was before. Without the knowledge I have now (I did my study when Harper was 4 months old), I just ate less and then not sure why I was surprised when my supply drastically dropped. I was also not in a good place mentally not loving how I was looking, was so sleep deprived because she wasn’t sleeping - it really took a toll on my mental health. By 4 months Harper wasn’t putting on enough weight so we were guided to start formula which in turn made me feel like a failure which made my supply even worse. I ended up giving up at 6 months.
With the twins had an epic supply and initially was breastfeeding Beau and exclusively pumping for Harlow and top ups for Beau. Harlow had a low birth weight at 1.8kg and was tube fed for 8 days, so I was advised that she was too small to breastfeed until she got bigger. So I pumped with a hospital pump attached to a wall for 6 weeks. It was exhausting. I was eating loads, I hadn't really put on any weight with the twins (apart from the babies and the placenta etc) so I wasn’t in a hurry to get back like with Harper. But feeding 2 babies then having to pump - I felt like all I did was feed and pump and Harper never got any time with me. I remember there standing next to me pumping one day saying mummy can we play now - and I couldn’t it broke my heart. So I stopped at 6 weeks - with a supply in the freezer that lasted me until 10 weeks.
With London I went in with little expectations. I wanted to breastfeed I would absolutely give it a go - but I wasn’t going to let my mental health deteriorate for the sake of it. I even bought Haven Stage 1 in preparation! So we started our journey and again my supply was great. I went into it with so much knowledge around nutrition and what it takes to have a great supply. Eating enough food, enough protein, loads of whole foods and a tonne of water. As well as looking after ME so I wasn’t stressed. Stress is the biggest killer of breastmilk ever. I then also discovered Lacevo and it changed my life. A hospital grade completely hands free pump which mean I could pump and still play with the kids, make dinner, do school pick up - all the things. It took so much stress away from the experience. I’d feed London, top her up and then pump and ended up freezing over 30 litres of milk. 10 litres I got freeze dried and 18 litres I just donated with about 2 litres still in the fridge. This experience is so much better - I’m happier, London is happy, my body is strong and I’m running at 4 months postpartum up to 30km as I’m training for a marathon - and my supply is better than ever!
What’s something about motherhood that doesn’t get talked about enough?
Mmm maybe how important sleep is - but not just for the baby for the mum. Sleep and taking care of you - like REALLY taking care of you. Not the facial or the nails - the eating well, the moving the taking care of your health and mental health. Because then everything else is easier. Everyone is happier. There’s this stigma that “now is not the time to go to the gym, or lose fat, or train for a marathon or whatever” but why not? You can be an epic mother and look after you too. I mean that was one reason I created my app - so mums could work out at home - with their babies around if that was the case and still making nourishing meals. YOU matter.
Are there any “parenting rules” you swore you’d follow - but ended up breaking?
I’m not really a rule follower haha. And most things i’ve said I’d do I’ve done. I’ve always said no iPads and Harper is 6 and we’re still no iPads. It’s important to me. Same with food. It’s my role as their mother to ensure they are the best versions of themselves - I’m happy to be in their bad books because I said no, but know it’s the right thing to do. They’ll thank me one day. Harper asks me daily “do I have to wait till 12 to get my ears pierced” you sure do sister and mumma aint backing down.
Is there anything from your childhood that you’re making sure you build into your own children's?
I remember my granny saying to me one day after I said I was bored (she was religious and I am not but this stuck with me) - “Saying your bored is an insult to god”. She would say there are so many things you can do, you just have to use your imagination - so we did. And this was the 90s, this is before on demand TV, computers, playlists...so I encourage my kids to do just that. You’re bored - then find something to do. Make a game out of something - and they’re fab at it. That and openness. We were also a very open family - I could talk to my parents about anything. It made me feel safe. We are doing the same with our kids too. We will always have their backs. Be there for them. Listen to them. They can come to us for anything. Even if they think they’ll get in trouble. Trust us. We love you no matter what.
What’s the funniest or most unexpected thing one of your children has done recently?
Omg Harper just this morning - Chris has man-flu - and we all know how bad that is. Harper turns to him as he’s feeling sorry for himself on the couch and goes “Daddy, when mummy’s sick she just keeps going, when you’re sick you’re like, erghhhhhhh” and does this woh is me fainting motion over her forward It was soooo funny I almost spat out my tea. Chris was not impressed.
The other thing Harper said the other day - which was a proud mum moment. She was asking why she’s so much smaller than her friends. I said "everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, it make people unique doesn’t it.". And she said "Yes like the man we saw with the birth mark all over his face. That was so cool, and so unique.". It made me well up. Kids can be so beautiful.
How do you carve out time for yourself amidst the chaos of parenting?
I wake up at 5am haha In all honestly that’s why - I can train, have my breakfast, make my bread, go over my day, drink my tea in peace. Fill my cup before anyone else gets up. Chris and I also are very good at allowing each other to have that space. I’ll go for my runs, he’ll go to the gym...we are a fab team. I’m proud of that.
What’s something your children have taught you about life?
That it goes so fast - to enjoy the moments of chaos. I can’t believe Harper is 7 this year - where did that go, my little baby. They’ve made me realise not to sweat the small stuff - it really doesn’t matter. If it won’t matter in 5 years it shouldn't matter for 5 minutes. You can always make more money, build a business better, but you can’t get that time back when they’re little. They have made me way more patient than I ever was.
What’s a modern parenting trend you love - and one you could do without?
I think there’s some great tips around now about how to handle different situations that in the past would’ve been resolved through hitting and/or a lack of trying to understand. Not that I’m into full gentle parenting - I think kids still need to know who's feeding them and be disciplined in some way - but there’s so much more research and knowledge now around what to do when your child is having a meltdown. For example, how their frontal lobe isn’t developed enough to understand how they should be reacting - so I love that that’s out there.
I’m not about screens. I hate to say “back in my day” but it’s true. We did not need iPads, our parents didn’t need iPads, we found things to do. I feel like people who don’t use screens get way more stick than people that do - because people like to be validated for their choices I’m not about it. We are slowly dumbing down our kids, not letting them interact, faces planted in a screen all the time. I’m very passionate about it. Which is ironic considering my whole business is online.
What’s one moment in your motherhood journey that stands out as truly special?
Just one? I have 4 kids haha. We’ve had some amazing holidays together - which I’m excited to now make more memories with London. I have proud moments of all the kids. I don’t think there is just one that stands out. Our trip to Europe in 2023 which ended with me miscarrying will always hold a special place in my heart. We just had such a wonderful time as a family. I feel so blessed and grateful to have those times. When all my babies and Chris are in one place - that’s truly special.
